Hungover Kim Jong Un Can’t Remember Who He Wants to Kill

Top North Korean generals have their cherubic leader’s drunkenness to thank for their continued lives and status. Tokyo Shimbun sources reported Tuesday on an alcohol-fueled rage Dear Leader Kim, directed towards senior military leadership back in September.

Here’s the basic narrative:

Kim got schmammered and subsequently found his panties in a bunch over the fact that his communist utopia can’t produce a single military satellite. In his gassed state, Kim summoned his top generals to his summer palace to, “write letters of apology.”

Accusations of treason and misconduct greeted the generals, charges that are normally followed quickly by disgrace and execution. Act one of that sentence began by forcing the generals to stay up all night to write letters of apology and self-criticism.

Fully believing they would be summarily executed upon the morning’s arrival, the generals were gathered to face Un in his villa the next morning. They were greeted with a question, “Why are you gathered here?” Apparently Kim was so snookered the previous night that he forgot even interacting with the generals!

Maybe the thought of gunfire was too much for his hangover-wracked brain to take. Whatever the reason, Kim decided that the self-flagellatory treatises were sufficient punishment and sent them on their way with only an age-related insult. “Be careful about your health because you are all old.”

I’m pretty sure that a “Your mom” joke would have been a better rejoinder than, “you’re old!” but he was hungover, so what do you expect.

Winners: DPRK Generals and Mad Dog 20/20 (No evidence exists to support Mad Dog 20/20 as Kim’s drink of choice. It’s just what I see him chugging in my mind’s eye.)

 

Losers: Kim’s liver.

About the author

Raz Shafer

Raz is a Christian, Texan, Conservative, Entrepreneur, Politico. Sigma Chi, Cigar/Fly-fishing/2nd amendment fan.
For the last 20 years, Raz has been involved in politics from grassroots organizing to running federal Pac efforts. Most of his current efforts are through his Candidate and Campaign Training organization, My Campaign Coach.

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