Alex Seitz-Wald, a reporter for NBC and MSNBC tweeted out last night that when asked what she will be for Halloween this year, Hillary answered “The president.”
Obviously, Hillary can’t go as herself because she is not, was not, and never will be president. So the question that naturally presents itself this Halloween is “which president should she dress up as?” I’ve done a lot of thinking on this and have come up with a few theories.
The first one to come to mind is the only Clinton to ever be president: Bill. I’d say this is unlikely though because they’re reportedly not getting along at the moment over their spat regarding Hillary’s “What Happened!?!” failure tour. So strike that one off the list.
Next would be Barack Obama, but that would just be culturally inappropriate.
If Benghazi is any reference, her foreign policy skills closely align with those of Jimmy Carter. But Jimmy’s into building houses for needy people these days, and construction is more of something that Deplorables would do, so rule him out.
Andrew Jackson loved a good genocide, so her radical views on exterminating vulnerable people groups would jive pretty well with his. Unfortunately though, Old Hickory hated banks, and we all know about Hillary and banks, so nope.
JFK can’t even be considered because Hillary is too good at dodging sniper fire. (Too Soon?)
Abraham Lincoln– Too tall
FDR–Wheelchair jokes are not cool
Washington–Can’t ride a horse to a party (unless it’s a pony party)
Teddy Roosevelt–Because “toxic masculinity” of course!
All the rest: Too boring
FINALLY…Drum-roll Please……After much soul-searching and contemplation, I decided that Hillary Clinton should dress as Millard Fillmore. Why? Because no one, literally no one remembers anything about him, and 100 years from now, her fate will be the same as his. Happy Halloween Everyone!