Trump’s SCOTUS Pick Is The Most Radical EVER!! (a preview)

These are scary times for America and for our beloved Constitution which clearly says ‘Church’ and ‘State’ should be separate (I think it says that. I don’t know. I’m not a doctor).

I can’t believe Trump picked ______ for our sacred Supreme Court.  There are several (unverified) reports that he’s a huge racist.  He hates black licorice! I hired an independent lip reader and body language expert and they both told me this is a sign that he loves Jim Crow Laws.

Let’s not even talk about how _____ feels about women.  He’s been married to his first wife for over 10 years so obviously she’s not feeling empowered enough.  Don’t let the wife’s pleasant demeanor fool you.  She does HER OWN laundry and she separates the whites from the coloreds.  (I don’t need an expert to tell me THAT’S a sign of something.)  I interviewed one of his neighbors and he told me she cooks him dinner EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!  He’s basically Genghis Khan.  I can only assume his nomination will set back Chelsea Manning’s conversion therapy DECADES.

_____ also attends church regularly.  I’ve heard him say that he “believes in Jesus” no less than 20 times.  Get ready for the LGBT concentration camps.

Our great (well, not really great. Kind of imperialistic.) nation is in grave danger with this radical new SCOTUS.  How have we strayed so far from the founding principles of Eric Holder?

 

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Jesse Kelly

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