The Resurgent’s team of Philip Swicegood, Josh Hammer, and Dave Scharoun will be releasing its own NCAA football poll throughout the season, along with running commentary about each week’s highlights.
Here are our rankings and preview for Week 4.
1. Alabama (Last week: def. Kent State 48-0) (This week: v. Kentucky)
The Tide get another non-conference tune up game this week before heading to Arkansas next week. I’d say that might be a tough matchup for them but honestly it probably won’t be. Watching this team play in the regular season is the college football equivalent of changing your oil: let someone else change your oil.
2. Ohio State (Last week: Bye) (This week: v. Rutgers)
Kudos on the bye week scheduling, Ohio State. Wouldn’t want you under rested against a team that was last relevant when it had Civil War veterans on the roster. I don’t know what ultra premium deluxe DIRECTV package enables you to get the Big Ten Network but if you have it and you wanna watch the C team rack up 98 points then hey, go for it. Or you could watch the Undercover Boss marathon on the Oprah Winfrey Network and finally get some mileage out of that channel. Should be just as entertaining.
3. Louisville (Last week: def. Marshall 59-28) (This week: at Clemson)
The Cardinals are led by Heisman favorite Lamar Jackson who, much like a fine Kentucky bourbon, should be the source of a great deal of confusion and disappointment in South Carolina today. I can’t wait!
4. Michigan (Last week: def. Penn State 49-10) (This week: v. Wisconsin)
Ever since they ditched football Chris Christie, Michigan has been hanging around the top 10 just begging to be taken seriously. Well your 4-0 record isn’t fooling me. I see your noon kickoff home wins against the likes of Hawaii and UCF and I remain unconvinced. You might get an eyebrow raise from me if you can find a way to keep it within two possessions with Ohio State this year but until then, you bore me.
5. Clemson (Last week: def. Georgia Tech 26-7) (This week: v. Louisville)
The Tigers have their first true test of the season this week against Louisville, but you wouldn’t know that by looking at their results thus far. Last time I wrote this preview, I predicted that they would beat Troy by three in overtime. Well, I’m man enough to admit when I was wrong. They won by six, and they needed all four quarters to do it. If the Tigers had that difficult of a time stopping a collection of guys who will be selling Subaru’s somewhere in Mobile in five years, I can’t imagine that a team that hung 63 on Florida State is gonna be a fun matchup for them. Lamar Jackson could be in a medically-induced coma and he’d probably still find the end zone three times against this team. It’s gonna be very ugly.
6. Houston (Last week: def. Texas State 64-3) (This week: def. Connecticut 42-14)
The Cougars have already gotten their Week 5 victory out of the way, which is admirable since I’m sure it’s difficult to win a football game while your head coach is on the phone with Century 21 trying to get connected to an agent in the greater Baton Rouge area.
7. Wisconsin (Last week: def. Michigan State 30-6) (This week: at Michigan)
The Badgers’ 24 point beatdown of Michigan State last week made it really easy to forget that they nearly dropped a game at home the week before to Georgia State. I’m from Atlanta and I would forget Georgia State existed if there weren’t a MARTA station named after it. That said, this team does have the distinction of being the Big Ten’s most bearable team, so we’re all rooting for you today in Ann Arbor, fellas!
8. Stanford (Last week: def. UCLA 22-13) (This week: at Washington)
Has there ever been a less interesting Top 10 matchup than this game with Washington? I wanna say that it was some kind of oversight that got this game scheduled for a Friday night in September but the reality is this game would have the same amount of excitement and anticipation if they had played it at 7 AM on a Wednesday. If you’re really interested, you can probably turn over to SportsCenter right now and catch a highlight after a rundown of what went down in the world of preseason hockey yesterday.
9. Texas A&M (Last week: def. Arkansas 45-24) (This week: at South Carolina)
I could live to be 130 and witness a dozen SEC title wins for Texas A&M and it still wouldn’t feel like they belong. C’mon guys, I know your state has its own weird cultural thing going on and you’ve got like sixty FBS programs in-state, can’t you just start up your own conference or something? I’m digging deep down trying to arouse strong emotions one way or another for this conference opponent of my own team and I just can’t do it. They play a South Carolina team that found a way to lose to Kentucky last week. If they don’t win by more than 35, I expect them to be unranked next week.
10. Tennessee (Last week: def. Florida 38-28) (This week: at Georgia)
Congrats Tennessee, you’re now the best team in the SEC East! Much like being the President of Somalia, this title carries no actual power and subjects you to an eventual violent overthrow. The Vols get Georgia in Athens this week, which, thankfully, means that no promising careers are at risk of being swallowed whole by a playing surface that resembles an abandoned lot in a neighborhood where the developer ran out of money halfway through. (UPDATE: never mind, Chubb isn’t even gonna play! Please, I beg of you, do not watch this football game.)
11. Washington (Last week: def. Arizona 35-28) (This week: v. Stanford)
12. Baylor (Last week: def. Oklahoma State 35-24) (This week: at Iowa State)
13. Miami (Last week: Bye) (This week: at Georgia Tech)
Paul Johnson could retire from coaching and start managing a Dunkin Donuts in south Georgia and Mark Richt would open a Krispy Kreme across the street a week later.
14. Florida State (Last week: def. South Florida 55-35) (This week: v. North Carolina)
15. Nebraska (Last week: def. Northwestern 24-13) (This week: v. Illinois)
16. Utah (Last week: def. USC 31-27) (This week: at California)
17. Ole Miss (Last week: def. Georgia 45-14) (This week: v. Memphis)
18. Arkansas (Last week: lost to Texas A&M 45-24) (This week: v. Alcorn State)
19. TCU (Last week: def. SMU 33-3) (This week: v. Oklahoma)
20. Michigan State (Last week: lost to Wisconsin 30-6) (This week: at Indiana)
21. San Diego State (Last week: Bye) (This week: at South Alabama)
22. Florida (Last week: lost to Tennessee 38-28) (This week: at Vanderbilt)
That 21 point meltdown last week was the best thing produced by the University of Tennessee since Jim Bob Cooter. I loved every second of it.
23. Boise State (Last week: def. Oregon State 38-24) (This week: v. Utah State)
24. Texas (Last week: Bye) (This week: at Oklahoma State)
25. Literally anyone else
Unranked. Georgia (Last week: lost to Ole Miss 45-14) (This week: honestly who cares)
I demand to know who at the AP voted for this team. Does that person actually cover college football? Does the movie review guy at The Des Moines Register get to sneak in a Top 25 poll before his review of Bridget Jones’s Baby? This is a bad football team, America. I’ve seen Athens Waffle House’s at 3 AM that had more collective dignity than this team had left by the second quarter against Ole Miss last week. Please stop ranking us now.