Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks during a rally at the Times Union Center on Monday, April 11, 2016, in Albany, N.Y. (AP Photo/Mike Groll)

Cheeto Jesus’s Sermon in Crevice

There has not been a more pessimistic speech given by any major party Presidential nominee since perhaps — well, there’s never been a speech quite like this.

Everything is terrible, according to Cheeto jesus. There is too much crime, too many illegal aliens, too many muslims, too much everything. But the orange wonder intends to save us all. He will do so through expansive government programs championed by the party of small government.

I’m sure in the original German the speech had some nuances that were commendable. But in its English translation it was amazing to watch the Republican base cheer on how awful everything is and how much a victim they all are. There was no self-starting, no spirit of entrepreneurship, and no American exceptionalism. Instead, we’re all suckers beset on all sides and need the least qualified man ever to run for President to save us — just like he saved all those widows and single moms he screwed out of money.


The Republican Party is officially now the party of Trump. Instead of happy warriors, they are angry, bitter bigots who hate Muslims, hispanics, and consider Democrats the enemy instead of political opponents. That anger is not going to attract anyone, so they will bully and browbeat. “Convert or Die” is now the GOP’s message. Their messiah is an orange Mohammed promising virgins and paradise if the party will only blow itself up.

And it intends to.

I await the Republican response.

By the way, big shout out to Reince Preibus who took the stage last night and renounced every single part of his autopsy report from 2012. Why did the party spend that money?

For Trump so loved himself that he gave his only begotten self that whosoever believeth in him shall not win, but shall have everlasting lies.

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Erick Erickson

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