Signage hangs from a closed Chipotle restaurant in Portland, Ore., Monday, Nov. 2, 2015. Chipotle voluntarily closed down 43 of its locations in Washington and the Portland area as a precaution after an E. coli outbreak linked to six of its restaurants in the two states has sickened nearly two dozen people. (AP Photo/Don Ryan)

Chipotle Falls Victim to the Pretentious Douche Factor

Walk into a Chipotle and you will typically find yourself surrounded by the very same sort of people you will find at a local independent coffee house while being served by the people you typically find at a Starbucks. They’re in skinny jeans, with plaid shirts, lots of piercings, a Carl Sagan book, and a MacBook.

These are the people who worship Neil deGrasse Tyson, like the “F**k Yeah, Science” Facebook page, hope beyond hope that a Black Lives Matter protest will interrupt their lunch so they can tell everyone at brunch about it, and use their MacBooks to rail against corporate America and capitalism.

To be sure, there are other Americans who venture into Chipotle for the food, which is not really as good as people claim. But Chipotle is not really catering to this crowd. They are catering to the hipsters who roll their eyes at Linus every Christmas for singing the praises of the birth of an imaginary sky god. Chipotle knows others will come who want to pretend to be hip if they first attract the douches.

Chipotle claims it bans GMO food, which the pro-science crowd cheers on despite it being a very anti-science thing to do. Chipotle ignores the GMO corn syrup in their soft drink machine, knowing that the hipsters are going to bring in locally crafted and sweetened with imported cane sugar small batch carbonated beverages or bottles of water attached to their Herschel bags anyway.

Chipotle is now under criminal investigation for an E. coli outbreak and norovirus outbreak that swept through various outlets of the restaurant chain across the nation.

The company prioritized making sure its customers knew the first name of the chicken they were being served and that the chicken only walked a short distance from the farm to the butcher to the burrito. Food safety came after the cult of politicized food. Chipotle decided to authentically brand itself in an era where skinny jeans wearing hipsters concerned about authenticity have politicized food. Chipotle came down on the PC food police side as if it really matters where the cow and chicken came from. The result is sickness and food poisoning.

The GMO nonsense is a scam that pro-science millennials have bought into, but it attracted them to Chipotle. Chipotle has reaped the profits of politicized food and now will pay the price.

It could have just served up food without the douchiness and probably been okay. But it couldn’t help itself.

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Erick Erickson

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