Clowns gather for a group picture during the sixth annual Latin American Clown Congress in Guatemala City, Tuesday, July 29, 2014. Clowns from Central America and North America have gathered for four days in the capital city to exchange ideas and attend workshops. (AP Photo/Moises Castillo)

Creepy Clowns To The Left Of Me, Guns To the Right

Halloween is upon us, that sugary season of scantily-dressed pre-teen girls, and a thousand 6-year-old Kylo Ren’s prowling the neighborhood for their share of the candy treasure. In Chicago, where the Cubs are in the World Series for the first time in 71 years, the celebrate Halloween by killing each other.

Chicago, which is one of the most violent cities in the U.S., typically sees high rates of violence on holiday weekends. But seeing 19 people shot in the first 12 hours of a holiday weekend might be “above average” for even Chicago. Last year, the Windy City saw only 26 people shot — with two deaths — during the entire Halloween weekend, according to Breitbart News.

Chicago’s gun laws are stricter than just about anywhere in America, but that doesn’t stop people from using them illegally. And now we hear from the clowns.

CNN’s Fareed Zakaria offered up this tidbit of clowniness:

On average, keeping a gun in the house makes people less safe. Especially women and children. The data clearly proves this.

How stupid. I definitely feel less safe because of the guns in my house. They scare me so much that I can’t even go into the gun closet. My wife keeps a loaded .30 on the headboard (in a biometric gun safe). My kids are just terrified by the pistol I carry in my car. We all shake and quake when there’s a strange noise at night because we have guns. Everyone feels that way, right?

I suppose Gersh Kuntzman might. But the rest of us who own firearms, and responsibly take care of our guns, for self-defense, sporting, and hunting, are not terrified by the loud bang sticks. We don’t run around our house aiming them at each other screaming “Pew pew pew!”

“Two out of three gun owners bought guns to protect themselves and their families against other people,” fretted Zakaria. “So the main driver of gun ownership today is fear, and this is true for both men and women. In fact, self defense is one of the main reasons more women are becoming gun owners. But guns do not actually ensure security.”

Guns ensure security a heck of a lot more than calling 911 when the intruder is in your hallway. And if any creepy clowns show up on my property, well, they’re taking their lives in their hands if they creep out my kids at night (not Halloween night of course).

While we’re on the subject of creepy clowns, in Germany, where most guns are verboten, they’ve got a real clown problem.

Authorities say those in Germany who dress up in clown garb could face punishment whether or not they commit a crime in costume. The country’s Justice Minister Thomas Kutschaty says just scaring someone in a clown costume qualifies as a “criminal threat.”

Germany isn’t alone in its clown panic. Target recently pulled clown masks from its shelves, and McDonald’s is cutting back on local appearances featuring its famous clown mascot, Ronald McDonald.

I always knew Ronald McDonald was creepy. Have a safe and clown-free Halloween–just turn off CNN, stay out of Chicago, and keep a gun handy in case all else fails.

About the author

Steve Berman

The old Steve cared about money, prestige, and power. Then Christ found me. All at once things changed. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

I spent 30 years in business. Now I write and edit. But mostly I love. I have a wife and 2 kids and a dog and we live in a little house in central Georgia.

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