Grading The Liberal Responses To The Vegas Shooting

It has been an extremely rough twenty four hours, but our nation came together. People at that concert showed remarkable courage and decency toward their fellow man. President Trump’s remarks were somber, brief, and outstanding. In our worst times of crisis, America comes together.

None of this applies to liberals, of course. They immediately chose the route of incoherent insanity and started on the political attacks. But I won’t judge them. That would be wrong. I will do what all great Americans should do and grade their inappropriate responses on a scale of 1-10. 1 being mildly obnoxious, 10 being certifiably insane.

Let us begin with the Democratic nominee for President of the United States of America:

We’re going to give this one a solid 9 for a number of reasons.  For one, Hillary is a woman and if America can’t eliminate that gender pay gap, I’m at least going to do my part. For two, the time stamp says 9:04 am which means Hillary was mixing some bourbon in her soy latte and we’re giving out extra points for drunk tweets. And you’ll never be able to convince me that bringing up “silencers” out of thin air is anything but a drunk tweet. Miss Hillary had just hit that point when she lost feeling in her gums and she knew it was time to pounce on a mass murder.

 

On to a musician:

Part of me didn’t even want to include Bryan Adams on this list. He gave us smash hits like ‘Summer of 69’ and that song from the Kevin Costner Robin Hood movie that was basically a guarantee to get you a kiss if you played it on a date back in the day. Chicks love that sappy music and men will pretend to like that filth if it helps us close the deal. Sorry, I got distracted. Either way, This gets extra points for mentioning “KIDS”. Always a winner. I give it a 7.

P.S. After looking at that again, I realize this is actually RYAN Adams and not Bryan Adams. None of us know who that is and I’m not deleting everything I just wrote so it’s staying.

Guess what nobody in the history of the World has ever said when looking for guidance for their country: “Let’s hear what the former president of Mexico has to say.”

This is a 10. Vicente here resides in a country where you can’t drink a glass of tap water without losing ten pounds. A country where a cop can be temporarily purchased for the price of a good pair of socks. A country that is known all over the world for violence. Who better to chime in and lecture us on how things should be run here?

Let’s hear from Kid Rock’s ex-girlfriend who apparently wants more than to “have some fun”:

I wavered on this one. Part of me wants to give her points for having a weapons-grade painkillers in her at 6:50 in the morning, but the absolute incoherence of it forced me to dock a couple points. Is she really saying we don’t have “assault rifle” regulations”? Plus, the “loss of rights” thing is too weird. This is an 8.

Ah yes, the fake children stories:

Boris gets extra credit for combining a willingness to lie about a conversation with his children and complete ignorance to the firearm laws in the United States. This is a 5.

Last but not least, let’s go to Constitutional scholar and professional theologian, Grant Stern, for this take that melts cast iron:

This man is a professional radio broadcaster from Miami so I give him points for being coherent enough to tweet at 8:47 am. Just so we’re clear though, the First Commandment reads, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” It’s unclear at this time how Grant is able to tie gun rights to the love of God, but one can only assume it began with someone yelling at him, “For the love of God Grant, stop talking to me about guns.” Grant gets a 9.

In conclusion, all of our American liberals were defeated by the the ex-President of Mexico. Which is not all bad when you think about it. Those guys haven’t had a win since we were gracious enough to take California from them.

 

 

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Jesse Kelly

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