I Hate This: Fat Kim Kardashian’s Fake Robbery

I hate writing about the Kardashians. I consider it a waste of the energy it takes to hit keys. I also hate writing about Gersh Kuntzman, who famously wrote that firing an AR-15 “horrifying, dangerous, and very very loud,” leading Erick to write “MY 10 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER is apparently more a man than this jackass.”

But it’s notable when sissy sqiushy-man Kuntzman turns on doyen of tabloid fantasy Kim Kardashian.

She was in Paris, probably slumming it, toenails not even freshly painted. Five masked men infiltrated her unnamed hotel (so exclusive it may not even exist), pulled guns, bound her, and stole more than $10 million in jewels before mounting bikes (bicycles!) to flee the scene.

Even Kuntzman, who gets hives just reading about guns, called BS on this.

Yeah, right.

There’s a reason why half the world doesn’t believe that armed gunmen stormed into Kim Kardashian’s super-secure Paris lair on Sunday night and made off with $10 million in jewels.

Because it’s too good to be true.

It is, isn’t it? I mean it would have to be in an inside job. It’s not like Kim advertises where she and hubby Kanye West are sleeping. West fled his concert early, leaving fans unfulfilled (and probably unrefunded) to be with his shaken but not stirred wife.

There’s all kinds of “whys?” here. Why did they leave Paris? Why did the Parisian authorities not put some time and effort into this? Ten million in jewels stolen, and the insurance company (if there is one?) is just letting this caper go? They fled on bikes?

No wonder former Kimye bodyguard Steve Stanulis, an ex-cop, told my colleague Brian Niemietz that “it wouldn’t surprise me” if the story is partly a hoax.

Partly? C’mon.

But this is how the blessed celebrity set rolls. They lie because it’s fun. They leave fans waiting because they can. They hop from city to city without regard to such minor things as the truth or millions of dollars worth of jewels that (probably didn’t) disappear.

Uncle Donald would be proud of little Kim.

While speaking on HLN’s Showbiz Tonight sometime before the show was cancelled in 2014, Trump was asked about Kardashian’s decision to to make a baby shower gift registry for herself in spite of her considerable wealth. “She’s a nice person,” Trump conceded. “I’ve known her over the years. She’s really a nice person.”

Unable to help himself, though, Trump continued by offering completely unsolicited advice on the reality star’s weight and style.

“She’s gotten a little bit large,” said the presidential candidate, who is certainly no paradigm of physical fitness himself. “I would say this, I don’t think you should dress like you weigh 120 pounds.”

Yes, Donald, these are the important issues.

About the author

Steve Berman

The old Steve cared about money, prestige, and power. Then Christ found me. All at once things changed. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

I spent 30 years in business. Now I write and edit. But mostly I love. I have a wife and 2 kids and a dog and we live in a little house in central Georgia.

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