Daughter of Obama Consigliere Valerie Jarrett to Join Crack CNN Truth Squad

In a move that proves once and for all that CNN president Jeff Zucker really does have a sense of humor, CNN has announced that it has hired Laura Jarrett–daughter of Obama confidante in chief Valerie Jarrett–as a reporter who will be covering the Department of Justice.

When asked if hiring a reporter with such close ties to the outgoing Obama administration might be perceived as media bias, Zucker said, “Of course, there’s always that danger.  But Laura comes to us with impeccable credentials.  I mean, sure she’s never actually worked as a reporter before–but we have it on good authority that she’s written a couple of blog posts here and there.  And as a lawyer, she defended a couple of clients when they had a beef with the Justice Department.  So there you go.”

Zucker went on to say, “Oh, I almost forgot–Laura once told Vanity Fair that she really, really wanted to become a news analyst someday.  With that kind of moxie, how could we say no?”

Zucker, who came to CNN after being an entertainment executive at NBC, seemed to be unaware than news analysis and news reporting are two different things.  Upon being informed of this, Zucker just waved his hand dismissively and said, “Phhht!  Here at CNN, it’s all the same.  Kind of like getting two for one.  It also keeps us under budget because we don’t have to hire extra people to do the analysis.  That’s thinking outside of the box.”

A spokesman for attorney general appointee Jeff Sessions said, “We look forward to not calling on Laura Jarrett during press conferences in the future.”

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Marc Giller

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