Me, Myself, and Donald Trump

Me: I love Donald Trump calling out those spoiled NFL brats for disrespecting our national anthem.  What kind of an ungrateful chump luxuriates in the greatest country in the history of the world and then craps on its flag like that.

Myself: What are you talking about? It’s not presidential and WAY beneath the dignity of the office.  He should be focused on stopping Obamacare before it steamrolls us like Michael Moore when he spots a buffet.

Me: Fine, but how great is it watching him crush the media on a regular basis?  For too freaking long we’ve had Republicans lay down like cowards before the steady liberal media onslaught.  It’s nice to FINALLY have someone willing to throw it back in their faces and not play by their rules.

Myself: Be serious.  This name calling is not helping us pass legislation.  He looks small and petty when he calls people names and has to react to every insult.  He should rise above it.

Myself: Like Mitt Romney did?  We’re stuck with Obamacare forever and it’s not because of Trump.  It’s because we tried a nice guy to stop Obama.  What happened? He got slapped around like a male feminist in a biker bar.

Me: But Trump isn’t even a conservative!  He doesn’t believe in small government.  He spouts populist garbage and that’s not what we want our party to be.

Myself: Who is conservative?  What have they conserved?  Nothing.  We won’t get our Obamacare repeal.  We won’t get tax reform.  We won’t even defund Planned Parenthood.  We wouldn’t have had those things under Rubio, or <gag> Kasich either.  We are forever doomed to an ever encroaching government.  Knowing that, why wouldn’t I just embrace Trump?  At least he entertains me and drives my enemies crazy.

Me: Pass the whiskey.

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Jesse Kelly

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