HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA - JANUARY 17: Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cirus at the World Premiere of Walt Disney Pictures' "Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both World Concert" on January 17, 2008 at the El Capitan Theatre in Hollywood, CA. (Photo by Eric Charbonneau/Invision/AP Images)

Miley Cyrus Dispenses Her Political, Um, Wisdom

You’ve been warned: Miley Cyrus is back. Yes, the Disney Channel star turned absolute cultural and political idiot, has a new album out, and for some reason she made the cover of Billboard magazine.

And because everyone is a political expert now – particularly if they lament that Hillary Clinton didn’t win – Billboard asks her about politics in the cover article. The problem is, she calls pretty much everything she does “political” – from dressing like a cat to making music. Presumably, profanity is political to her too, because she uses it a LOT.

Here are some, um, highlights. You can thank me later for reading the whole thing for you so you don’t have to. I’ve killed thousands of brain cells for you, dear reader.

Cyrus was first inspired to reach beyond her circle of “outspoken liberals” and ­cultivate ­country fans and red staters in 2016, when she began as a coach on NBC’s stalwart talent competition The Voice. (She will rejoin for season 13 this fall.) “I like talking to people that don’t agree with me, but I don’t think I can do that in an aggressive way,” says Cyrus. “I don’t think those people are going to listen to me when I’m sitting there in nipple pasties, you know?”

Reason number 4,930,000 to not watch The Voice, in my opinion… She claims her very physical appearance on the show is a political act.

By sitting there after the election in head-to-toe pink, while on the inside being a gender-neutral, ­sexually fluid person, hopefully that was saying ­something. I needed some sparkle in my life, to make me able to deal. Radiating love is ­something that is important to me — ­hopefully, that is being political.

She also flat-out admits that the stripped-down quality of her new album is her attempt to reach out to conservatives with her muddled, nonsense version of Leftism.

After Trump was elected ­president, Cyrus — who first ­supported Bernie Sanders and, when she won the Democratic ­nomination, Clinton — launched #HopefulHippies, an initiative of her Happy Hippie youth-activism nonprofit that ­encourages people to “turn emotion into action.” “I have to ask myself, ‘How am I going to create real change?’” she says, “and not just ­fucking preach to the choir anymore.” With the new album, Cyrus hopes to reach the other side of the aisle. “This record is a reflection of the fact that yes, I don’t give a f***, but right now is not a time to not give a f*** about people,” she says. “I’m ­giving the world a hug and saying, ‘Hey, look. We’re good — I love you.’ And I hope you can say you love me back.”

But she doesn’t want the general public to see her music as political.

My record is political, but the sound bite doesn’t stop there. Because you can write something beautiful and you know E! News will ruin our lives and say, “This is a political record.”

Whatever. (I think she uses the word “political” in the interview more often than any word other than “f***.”)

I leave you with the worst question of all, just for your reading pleasure – or disgust.

Do you want your dudes to be dudes?

Not even. That really grosses me out. I always get in trouble for ­generalizing straight men, ’cause straight men can be my worst nightmare ­sometimes. And I’m with a straight dude. But he’s always like, “Well, don’t call me that!” I ask him sometimes, “Do you like being a boy?” And he’s like, “I don’t really think about it.” And that’s crazy to me, because I think about being a girl all the time. I’m always like, “It’s weird that I’m a girl, because I just don’t feel like a girl, and I don’t feel like a boy. I just feel like nothing.” So when someone’s too ­masculine, that really grosses me out.

Oh Miley, why don’t you just do us all a favor and go away?

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Chris Queen

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