In Newark, not too far from the Jersey Shore where Snooki and the Situation spawned their reality television careers and went on to change the world, something amazing happened. That’s where Tom Perez, the Democrat National Committee’s newest chairman (and longtime member of the Hair Club for Men), gave a barn burner of a speech to the Working Families Alliance. In it, he acknowledged that the election of 2016 had been a tough loss for Democrats–but in that loss, there was also an opportunity to learn from past mistakes and use those lessons to rebuild the party based on ideas and vision. “No longer can we allow petty divisions and partisan bickering to distract us from the real issues that face us all as Americans,” he said in an impassioned plea. “All of us only want what’s best for our families–and even though we may differ from Republicans on how to get there, I promise you that under my steady hand, we will bridge those differences and find a way together!”
Nah, just kidding. He actually said that Donald Trump didn’t really win the election and that the GOP doesn’t give a sh-t about people:
The tone of the speech kind of reminds me of Howard Dean’s Iowa meltdown, but on substance it seems more like that time Spongebob Squarepants went on strike against the Krusty Krab. Nevertheless, the ravenous crowd at the Working Families Alliance–and no, that totally doesn’t sound like a socialist front group–ate it up, and cheered Perez on like it was karaoke night at Lenin’s House of Reds and he had just finished singing the male and female leads from “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” all by himself. Good to know that time he spent as Barack Obama’s labor secretary is finally paying off.
Not one to take such insults lightly, RNC Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel responded with her own jab:
Chairman Perez’s comments are dangerous and undermine our democratic process. Perhaps Mr. Perez needs a lesson on how the Electoral College works but whether he likes it or not, Donald Trump is our president. He should be ashamed of himself for insulting the millions of Americans who don’t share his liberal vision for our country. The Democrats are the minority party because of comments like those, and if he thinks this is the way back from the wilderness, he’s sorely mistaken. Mr. Perez should apologize and Democrats should denounce the rhetoric coming from the new leader of their Party.
All right, so it’s not exactly Muhammad Ali calling out Joe Frazier–but at least McDaniel stayed classy. Also, if the GOP ever needs a few snarky but clean jokes for their next press release, I work cheap.
Now there might be some out there who would ask why I would expect better from a DNC chair whose biggest selling point was, “At least he’s not Keith Ellison.” And there might still be others who would ask where I get off criticizing Perez for his rhetoric when this particular post is one barb after another. Well, for one thing Perez is the elected leader of a major political party–and from the sound of things, he hasn’t learned that much from the Democrat’s losing streak. While spinning tales of illegitimate elections and political opponents not caring about people might be great for rousing the rabble and fundraising, it doesn’t address how your party’s abandonement of the working-class voter caused them to abandon you for Donald Trump. Secondly, I’m just a guy on the internet trying to deflate insufferable egos that need deflating (including those in my own party when necessary), and never have I asserted that Democrats are evil and/or stupid. I just happen to think that their policy prescriptions are misguided–plus that donkey logo has got to go. Seriously, bruh.
Talking these things out, however, gets a tick difficult when guys like Perez cast the opposition as Beelzebub. Guess what, Tom? Y’all ain’t no angels either. Most of you have your hearts in the right place, but some of you only care about power first and people second, if at all. Ditto the GOP. None of us is without sin, yo–and it would go a long way toward patching things up if the usual suspects stopped casting so many stones.