Only The Hottest Hollywood Celebrities Endorse Trump

They haven’t made a teleprompter that can hold Donald Trump’s mouth. Maybe he needs a security guy with a syringe of diazepam standing behind him more than Hillary Clinton does. So this time, it was about who has the hottest celebrity endorsers, or rather, that Clinton’s celebrities “aren’t very hot anymore.”

“Her supporters have very little enthusiasm. The only people enthusiastic about her campaign are Hollywood celebrities, in many cases celebrities who aren’t very hot anymore, and Wall Street donors, special interests, lobbyists, etc., who want to control government not to the benefit of our country but the the benefit of their wallet,” Trump said during an afternoon rally in Tampa, Florida.

According to the New York Daily News, Clinton’s fundraising campaign included luminaries such as Cher, Jennifer Aniston, Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel and Tobey Maguire. Meh.

But Trump’s got the hottest celebrity endorsers.

There’s Willie Robertson, that chunky hunk of bearded manhood, along with his rusticated father Phil. I like both of those men, but I hardly think of them as “hot” (unless you happen to be a duck).

There’s Charlie Sheen, the stud horse that was rode hard and put away wet. Yeah, not a whole lot there in the last 10 years. Dennis Rodman, the king of weird (he took the title from Prince, who took it from Michael Jackson), but Rodman doesn’t hold a candle to either of his predecessors in class, style, or relationships with North Korean despots. And neither is Rodman “hot” by any definition.

Who else? Kid Rock, president of the Eight Mile recovering old rocker/addict club. He’s got a thing or two to learn from Keith Richards, who knows how to become well-aged. And Mike Tyson. Really?

Azealia Banks has a shot at hotness, but a somewhat limited “A-list” appeal. Then we’re into the true B-listers.

Donnie Wahlberg, Gary Busey, Loretta Lynn, Mark Teixeira (because he’s a Yankee, I can’t stand him; sorry), newly $100 million richer Hulk Hogan, and Ted Nugent form a solid wall of hotness. Nugent is probably the best looking of the bunch, and the sanest.

I could go on: Tim Allen, Vince Vaughn, Wayne Newton, and Scott Baio. The article in amny.com lists Chuck Norris, but the most genuine hottest kick-butt person on the list would not go in for Trump–he still likes Mike Huckabee (who has gone all-in for Trump).

Katy Perry, a certified A-lister who is still “hot,” verbally spanked the queen of pop hotness, Taylor Swift, for failing to Get With Her. We still have hope, because Swift has remained firmly uncommitted. The top celeb of the bunch seems to be choosing neither–#NeverHillary #NeverTrump.

That makes me very glad.

About the author

Steve Berman

The old Steve cared about money, prestige, and power. Then Christ found me. All at once things changed. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

I spent 30 years in business. Now I write and edit. But mostly I love. I have a wife and 2 kids and a dog and we live in a little house in central Georgia.

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