Former President Bill Clinton greets people in the audience after speaking in support of his wife, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, Thursday, April 14, 2016, at the Community College of Rhode Island in Warwick, R.I. (AP Photo/Steven Senne)

The Red Sox Cheated Using an Apple Watch and Only Bill Clinton Can Save Them Now

Yesterday, the New York Times reported that the Yankees have filed a complaint with Major League Baseball’s Commissioner’s Office alleging that the Red Sox used television cameras and an Apple Watch to steal signs.

The complaint alleges that the Red Sox have been stealing signs using cameras, then relaying them to a team trainer wearing an Apple Watch in the dugout, who would relay messages to players on the bench who would then tip teammates on the field off about which pitch was about to be thrown.

The Red Sox quickly countered the Yankees’ complaint by filing one of their own yesterday claiming that the Yankees have been stealing their signs using television cameras.

Major League Baseball has conducted an investigation into the Red Sox’ actions and concluded that they were in fact, using the watch to steal signs. The Red Sox’ case is further hindered by the fact that THEY’VE OPENLY ADMITTED TO IT.

The only question remaining to be answered here is what should Major League Baseball do? Stealing signs is legal in baseball, but using electronic devices to do so is not. There is however, no set penalty for breaking this rule.

The simple answer is that the Red Sox should not be punished. Instead, let’s give credit where credit due here.

First of all, the time between a catcher’s sign and the pitch is usually only a couple of seconds. If the Sox really were successfully stealing the sign and then relaying the message from the camera staff, to the trainer, to dugout players, to batters all before the pitch was thrown, even with an Apple Watch, that’s pretty impressive.

Second, and most importantly, the Red Sox were stealing signs FROM THE YANKEES. That alone should exonerate them. After all, if you steal from the Evil Empire, is it really stealing? When a team has 27 World Series Championships, will they really miss a few signs? Bernie Sanders along with the 99% of red-blooded, Yankee-hating baseball fans will no doubt answer with a resounding no!

If the MLB does choose to go on an unfair witch hunt against the Red Sox, the American People must fight this injustice by turning to the only hero whose silver tongue can make fiction out of fact: Bill “If you ain’t cheatin’ you ain’t tryin'” Clinton.

Surely a GoFundMe can be started to raise a big enough donation to the Clinton Foundation to get the former president to spend some time in a jet on a tarmac “talking about grand kids” with MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred. Only Bill can fight the national injustice behind the Yankee Industrial Complex. As Gotham Police Commissioner Jim Gordon (a closet Mets fan) would say, Slick Willy is not the hero baseball fans need, but at this time of national crisis, he is the one we deserve.

About the author

Trey Bennett

View all posts