Trump Promises to Play the Classics on Upcoming Fall Tour

Is there anything more depressing than a comeback tour?

A group of aging, washed-up rockers decide to take a hiatus from middling solo careers and stints on VH1’s Celebrity Rehab to come together and play every county fair and barbecue festival throughout the heartland. The bold, fresh sound, the dangerous uniqueness that endeared them to radio listeners of old is long gone. But no matter, they always claim, this tour is about the fans!

Indeed, the lifers, the fan club members, the folks that still have all the old records collecting dust on a shelf somewhere in the basement will show up en masse. For the most part, they’ll be delighted to hear all of the old favorites that made them fall in love with the band all those years ago.

But reunion tours seldom create new fans. The average listener has little interest in spending a Saturday night watching a group of geriatric has-beens attempt to belt out the songs they’ve heard a thousand times on classic rock radio. Most people are looking for a new sound.

On Thursday, Donald Trump took a sledgehammer to his campaign staff yet again. This time it’s Breitbart chairmanĀ Steve Bannon who will be running the show, and we’re told that Trump is throwing out the teleprompter and returning to his outspoken, shoot-from-the-hip style.

Now you might think that a change in creative direction is what Trump has been lacking. After all, we were promised that once Trump had secured the Republican nomination, we would see a collected, poised, presidential Trump. But to Trump and his new team of doting yes men, his sagging poll numbers are proof positive of one thing: the people wanna hear the classics!

It may not have occurred to Team Trump that the American public has simply grown weary of the Donald’s shtick. That after a year of continuous media bombardment of Trump’s antics, the voters have evaluated what Trump has been selling and they’re simply not interested. That Trump’s unpredictable and unorthodox style has now become unremarkable and stale, and that maybe all the average voter wants now is a Republican nominee that they could just take seriously as leader of the free world.

But no, from now until November, we’re getting the old Trump. This one, ladies and gentlemen, is for the fans.

About the author

Dave Scharoun

Dave is a conservatarian blogger and political consultant from the Atlanta area. He enjoys fantasy football, chicken and waffles, and not discussing politics on social media.

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