Tennessee quarterback Joshua Dobbs (11) leaps for the end zone as he's hit by Appalachian State linebacker Kennan Gilchrist (6), defensive lineman Caleb Fuller (51) and defensive back Desmond Franklin (34) during overtime of an NCAA college football game Thursday, Sept. 1, 2016 in Knoxville, Tenn. Dobbs fumbled; the ball was recovered by Jalen Hurd for a touchdown to give Tennessee a 20-13 win. (AP Photo/Wade Payne)

Week 2: Everything You Need to Know for #GameDay

The Resurgent’s team of Philip Swicegood, Josh Hammer, and Dave Scharoun will be releasing its own NCAA football poll throughout the season, along with running commentary about each week’s highlights.

Here are our rankings and preview for week 2.

1. Alabama (Last week: def. USC 52-6) (This week: v. Western Kentucky)

You know those Facebook photos your Aunt Carol is always sharing about not getting angry about the things you can’t change? I think I’m gonna start taking that approach with Alabama from now on. You hear that, Nick? You can’t hurt me anymore! Anyway, fresh off their annual obliteration of “non-conference opponent that is historically good but is now garbage” in the opener, the Tide now return to Tuscaloosa to gestate and feed on nothing teams like Western Kentucky before having to play actual college football. But hey, Ole Miss is next week and they always blow that one! It will be absolutely delightful.

2. Clemson (Last week: def. Auburn 19-13) (This week: v. Troy)

Clemson football is much like a game of Jenga. No matter how good it looks or how well you seem to be doing, it is predestined to fail. You may do a little better or a little worse every time, but ultimately there is no “winning.” Last week, the Tigers barely escaped an Auburn team that is well on its way to 4-8, and this week they get to play the actual second-best team in Alabama: the Troy Trojans! Since Dabo Swinney attended the Mark Richt School of Playing Down to Lesser Competition, they should win by three in overtime.

3. Michigan (Last week: def. Hawaii 63-3) (This week: v. UCF)

Michigan is coached by Jim Harbaugh. Jim Harbaugh is mostly to blame for the rise of Colin Kaepernick. Establish your rooting interests accordingly, America!

4. Florida State (Last week: def. Ole Miss 45-34) (This week: v. Charleston Southern)

I fell asleep at halftime of the Ole Miss game, and apparently I missed a hell of a comeback. Good on you, Florida State. Your reward is a few more weeks of high hopes before losing on a Thursday night because this is the ACC and someone convinced all of you that this was an acceptable night for football.

5. Ohio State (Last week: def. Bowling Green 77-10) (This week: v. Tulsa)

We’re two weeks into the season, so Ohio State should be on their fifth or sixth starting quarterback by now. They get Tulsa this week in a game that should be just about as exciting as the city of Tulsa.

6. Houston (Last week: def. Oklahoma 33-23) (This week: v. Lamar)

Rather then join a real conference, Houston is here to run the table and take a playoff spot away from a real contender before being unceremoniously bounced from the postseason in the first round, at which point a greater program will park a dump truck full of cash in Tom Herman’s front yard and they’ll go back to being irrelevant. Last week they won a neutral site game that was an $8 Uber ride away from their campus, and this week they play someone named Lamar. Sound boring? It is!

7. Stanford (Last week: def. Kansas State 26-13) (This week: Bye)

The Cardinal (singular) are already taking a week off exactly one week into the season. Poor work ethic, this team’s going nowhere. By the way, Google Christian McCaffery. If you don’t know who that is, he is a very fun individual to watch play football.

8. Wisconsin (Last week: def. LSU 16-14) (This week: v. Akron)

Joining Texas amongst the ranks of “mediocre teams that are highly overrated after a big win in Week 1,” the Badgers get their number eight ranking from beating a deflated LSU team that will likely finish under .500 and fire their head coach. But since the Tigers had unwarranted high expectations and since preseason polls are stupid, well, here we are! They get Akron this week and my sources tell me Lebron James will not be suiting up, so there’s no reason to watch this game.

9. Georgia (Last week: def. North Carolina 33-24) (This week: v. Nicholls State)

Sometime during my teenage years, I had one Christmas where I fantasized that my parents were getting me a car. I knew full well that my parents weren’t shelling out for a car for me (they made the right call, I’ve been in a lot of accidents) but I allowed cautious optimism to get the better of me. That car that never came was a national championship, and the two button-down shirts I got from Belk instead are the 9-3 season that we are ultimately headed towards. Because the universe is cruel and ironic, we’ll probably end up in the Belk Bowl because of that metaphor.

10. Texas (Last week: def. Notre Dame 50-47) (This week: v. UTEP)

In a startling change of pace, Texas cracks the top 10 this week due to actual on-field success as opposed to undeserved preseason hype like they are used to. Now I like Charlie Strong. He seems like a good head coach and I’d like to see him put it all together. Unfortunately two conference winners are gonna have to miss out this year to clear the way for Houston, and unless the Longhorns (or someone else) run the table, the Big 12 will almost certainly be one of them. Sorry fellas! You’re gonna love the Cotton Bowl though.

11. Washington (Last week: def. Rutgers 48-13) (This week: v. Idaho)

12. Michigan State (Last week: def. Furman 28-13) (This week: Bye)

13. TCU (Last week: def. South Dakota State 59-41) (This week: v. Arkansas)

14. Tennessee (Last week: def. Appalachian State 20-13) (This week: v. Virginia Tech)

The Volunteers play Virginia Tech at Bristol Motor Speedway this week. I’m told school officials needed clarity on whether the game would actually be played on the asphalt track, since this is still a much more playable surface than the grass at Neyland Stadium (Sorry Phillip, still bitter about Chubb.)

15. Iowa (Last week: def. Miami (OH) 45-21) (This week: v. Iowa State)

16. Louisville (Last week: def. UNC Charlotte 70-14) (This week: at Syracuse)

17. Oklahoma (Last week: lost to Houston 33-23) (This week: v. Louisiana-Monroe)

18. Texas A&M (Last week: def. UCLA 31-24) (This week: v. Prairie View A&M)

19. Ole Miss (Last week: lost to Florida State 45-34) (This week: v. Wofford)

20. Oklahoma State (Last week: def. Southeastern Louisiana 61-7) (This week: v. Central Michigan)

21. Oregon (Last week: def. UC Davis 53-28) (This week: v. Virginia)

22. Miami (Last week: def. Florida A&M 70-3) (This week: v. Florida Atlantic)

23. LSU (Last week: lost to Wisconsin 16-14) (This week: v. Jacksonville State)

Tigers offensive lineman Josh Boutte will miss this week’s matchup against the mighty Gamecocks of Jacksonville State after straight up attempting to murder a Wisconsin player last week. He will miss this game and this game alone for his actions. Please be sure to look up that hit in case you find yourself feeling sympathy for Les Miles when he gets fired in a few weeks.

24. Baylor (Last week: def. Northwestern State 55-7) (This week: v. SMU)

25. Notre Dame (Last week: lost to Texas 50-47) (This week: v. Nevada)

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