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Week 9: Everything You Need to Know for #GameDay

The Resurgent’s team of Philip Swicegood, Josh Hammer, and Dave Scharoun will be releasing its own NCAA football poll throughout the season, along with running commentary about each week’s highlights.

Here are our rankings and preview for Week 9.

1. Alabama (Last week: def. Texas A&M 33-14) (This week: BYE)

We are honestly running out of things to say about Alabama.  Yes, this team is really, really good.  Yes, we are all really, really sick of them winning so much…every freaking year.  It would be great if they just went away, but, as with fighting off a receding hairline with Propecia, your mileage may will vary in seeking to achieve that outcome.  The Tide ran away in the fourth quarter last week against a very solid Texas A&M squad.  Alabama is on bye this week in preparation for next week’s SEC West showdown at LSU.

2. Clemson (Last week: BYE) (This week @ no. 12 Florida State)

Considering how many close calls Clemson has had this season and the fact that they objectively should have lost to North Carolina State, there probably isn’t much of a justification for ranking them here ahead of Michigan.  But we’re also unapologetic Dabo Swinney fanboys, so there’s that.  Maybe if we keep on stroking Dabo’s ego, he’ll actually consider that enticing 2020 primary challenge of Lindsey Graham…

Clemson has a difficult road matchup this week in Tallahassee.  The Tigers are a four-point road favorite against the Seminoles.

3. Michigan (Last week: def. Illinois 41-8) (This week @ Michigan State)

If you wanted another reason why we ranked Clemson ahead of Michigan, you can also consider this excerpt from an August 17 preseason article at the website Football Scoop:

It’s become clear by now that [Michigan Head Coach Jim] Harbaugh is the Donald Trump of college football: an outsized personality that plays well in small doses but lacks the ability to just let anything go.

There are actually countless of other college football outlets that have also made the same comparison.  It’s apparently kind of a thing.  If Jim Harbaugh were instead running for President of the United States against someone as massively flawed and systemically corrupt as Hillary Clinton, do you think he’d also spend so much time praising authoritarian dictators and brutalizing U.S. House Speaker Rep. Paul Ryan?

4. Washington (Last week: def. Oregon State 41-17) (This week @ no. 18 Utah)

We still haven’t watched a single Washington game all year and it’s unclear whether more than two Washington Huskies fans read our vaunted college football musings each week, but maybe we will actually tune in this week.  Washington has a very intriguing road matchup at upstart Utah.  Utah is known as a very difficult place to play—have you heard about the “Mormon Mafia?”…we hear their signature line is, “leave the gun; take the JELL-O”—and the 11-point spread is a bit too generous to the Huskies.

5. Louisville (Last week: def. North Carolina State 54-13) (This week: @ Virginia)

Louisville left N.C. State last week in about as bad shape as Ted Kennedy left Mary Jo Kopechne at Chappaquiddick.

Too soon?

The Cardinals’ offense is simply electric, and there is no more fun player to watch in all of college football than Louisville’s superstar quarterback, Lamar Jackson.  Louisville really should win out the rest of the season, which would place the Cardinals in decent position to secure a College Football Playoff position.  The Cardinals are a 33-point road favorite this week at Virginia.

6. Nebraska (Last week: def. Purdue 27-14) (This week: @ no. 13 Wisconsin)

Deeply principled originalist U.S. Supreme Court Associate Justice Clarence Thomas is actually a diehard Nebraska Cornhuskers fan.  That, as well as the fact that Madison, Wisconsin is one of the most iconically Leftist college towns in America, is pretty much all we need to openly pull for the “Children of the Corn” in this one.  (The 1984 horror film, “Children of the Corn,” is actually creepy as hell, by the way.  We do not particularly recommend it.)

Nebraska is a nine-point road underdog, which frankly seems like way too high a spread.

7. Baylor (Last week: BYE) (This week: @ Texas)

If there is ever going to be a special prosecutor assigned to the Hillary Clinton classified email sacrificing-national-security-for-personal-convenience scandal, can it pleaseplease be former Baylor University President and Chancellor Ken Starr?  There might not be a single easier way to epically troll the Left.

Baylor happens to have a pretty good college football team this year, incidentally, but they’re only a four-point favorite this week in Austin against the Charlie StrongHorns.

8. Ohio State (Last week: lost at Penn State 24-21) (This week: v. Northwestern)

Penn State had a great win in Happy Valley last week over the Buckeyes.  This is Urban Meyer’s fifth season as Ohio State head coach, and last week was—remarkably—his first time ever losing during that span to a Big Ten opponent not named Michigan State.

The Buckeyes’ impressive offense ranks fifth in the country in total points per game, and they will have a great opportunity to bounce back this week against the Wildcats of Northwestern.  Ohio State is a 27-point favorite.

9. West Virginia (Last week: def. TCU 34-10) (This week: @ Oklahoma State)

Undefeated West Virginia is having one of the most under-appreciatedly solid years of any major conference program.  The Mountaineers have had some close calls, but they remain unscathed.  They’ll take a break this week from the massive frat party that is Morgantown to play Oklahoma State down in Stillwater.  West Virginia is a four-point road favorite in what promises to be a fun shootout.

10. Texas A&M (Last week: lost at Alabama 33-14) (This week: v. New Mexico State)

Texas A&M fans always seem kind of dour and pessimistic, and this week is no exception.  The Aggies were in the hunt last week up through the later stages of the third quarter, but then Alabama once again reminded the world that they are Alabama.  Gross.

Fortunately for Aggie nation, cupcake opponent New Mexico State will be this week’s hapless victim at Kyle Field.  Texas A&M is a whopping 44-point favorite, and should have no problem getting back on track in anticipation of the season’s closing stretch.

11. Boise State (Last week: def. BYU 28-27) (This week: @ Wyoming)

12. Florida State (Last week: BYE) (This week: v. no. 2 Clemson)

13. Wisconsin (Last week: def. Iowa 17-9) (This week: v. no. 6 Nebraska)

14. Florida (Last week: BYE) (This week: v. Georgia (game in Jacksonville, Fla.))

Is there a better nickname for any rivalry game, in all of sports, than “the World’s Largest Outdoors Cocktail Party?”  Probably not.

15. Oklahoma (Last week: def. Texas Tech 66-59) (This week: v. Kansas)

The Oklahoma-Texas Tech game in Lubbock last week broke an NCAA record with its 1,708 combined yards of total offense.  The collective defense in this game was vastly more pathetic than the French militia’s attempt to hold the Maginot Line against a horde of invading Germans.

16. Auburn (Last week: def. Arkansas 56-3) (This week: @ Ole Miss)

Um, wow.  So much for Arkansas being relevant.

17. Utah (Last week: def. UCLA 52-45) (This week: v. no. 4 Washington)

If Utah upsets Washington at home, does that bode well for native son Evan McMullin’s chances to win the state’s Electoral College votes on November 8?

18. Tennessee (Last week: BYE ) (This week: @ South Carolina)

The Volunteers are off bye just in time to give mega-fan Philip Swicegood another heart attack scare.  South Carolina isn’t good, but Tennessee is more volatile this year than a sans-teleprompter Donald Trump.

19. North Carolina (Last week: def Texas 45-40) (This week vs Kansas)

With apologies to Tar Heels fans no apologies whatsoever to anyone at all, we’re just going to go ahead and shamelessly insert this video in this particular spot in the rankings.

20. LSU (Last week: def. Ole Miss 38-21) (This week: BYE)

LSU and Alabama are both on bye this week in anticipation of their showdown in Baton Rouge next week.  Suffice it to say that will be a fun one.

21. Western Michigan (Last week: def. Eastern Michigan 45-31) (This week @ Ball State (Tues., Nov. 1))

Who plays college football on a Tuesday???

22. Houston (Last week: lost at Southern Methodist 38-16) (This week: v. Central Florida)

23. Colorado (Last week: def. Stanford 10-5) (This week: BYE)

24. Virginia Tech (Last week: def. Miami 37-16) (This week: def. Pittsburgh 39-36 (game Thurs., Oct. 27))

25. Oklahoma State (Last week: def. Kansas 44-20) (This week: v. no. 9 West Virginia)

The reality is Oklahoma State would not have lost to Central Michigan were it not for an epic botch job by the refereeing crew.  Their only other loss was at Baylor, who is currently undefeated and a consensus-top ten team.  The Cowboys deserve to be ranked, and they will move up quickly if they defeat the Mountaineers at home this week.

Arguably more importantly, who can ever forget this postgame press conference?

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