What? DNC Proposes Resolution Bashing “Designated Survivor”

Democrat National Committee stalwart and stand-up comedy night amateur William Owen recently introduced a resolution that condemns–of all things on television–the ABC show Designated Survivor:

At first, I thought Owen might be on to something.  I, too, anxiously tuned into the show thinking, “Great!  I can watch Kiefer Sutherland waterboarding bad guys just like on 24–but this time from the Oval Office!”  When the terrorist hijinks failed to materialize, however, I quickly lost interest and drifted back to more action-packed fare, like Downton Abbey’s final season.

But no, it wasn’t the cliched It-Looks-Like-Muslim-Terrorists-But-It’s-Really-An-Inside-Job bit that drove Owen to draft the resolution.  Rather, it’s an elaborate poke at FBI Director James Comey and his investigation of Hillary Clinton’s emails, which Dems widely believe cost Clinton the election.

Obviously nobody has told Owen that if you have to explain a joke, it’s not really that funny–which is why most of the internet is scratching its head over this one.  But if we’re going to have the Party of Hollywood invoke against bad TV, why stop with Designated Survivor?  I say we go all in with some much needed snarking.  To wit:

  • Let it be resolved that HBO, in allowing Lena Dunham to expose her naked body to the public on Girls, has done more to encourage abstinence from sex than any public school program.
  • Be it also resolved that Fox made a tremendous mistake in canceling Firefly after only 14 episodes, a crime exceeded only by its canceling of The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.
  • Let it also be resolved that Z-Nation has been, and always will be, a better zombie show than The Walking Dead.
  • It shall be firmly resolved that Steven Bochco has still not been held criminally liable for creating Cop Rock, and that this oversight should be remedied as soon as humanly possible.
  • Furthermore, it should be resolved that Westworld is a boring show because of all the nudity, not in spite of it, which is directly inverse to Game of Thrones.
  • Finally, it should be resolved that nobody actually pays attention to Law and Order: SVU anymore, which makes its continued presence on the air unfathomable.

Can I get a co-sponsor?

About the author

Marc Giller

View all posts