To say former Anthony Weiner has hit rock bottom wouldn’t be entirely true. He actually landed there back in 2011, roundabouts the time he accidentally tweeted a picture of his junk to the world, forcing an end to his career in Congress and putting to rest any speculation as to which of his heads did most of the thinking. Yet somehow Weiner kept digging, and in the midst of his campiagn for mayor of New York two years later, he got busted for texting more lewd pics of the ol’ wedding tackle, this time assuming the persona of one Carlos Danger–a name only slightly less ridiculous than that of the woman on the receiving end, Sydney Leathers. It almost seemed as if the entire world had tuned into some weird version of Cinemax After Dark, and all the rest of us could do was watch with horrified fascination.
But no, even that wasn’t low enough for Carlos–and as the time passed and his wife Huma Abedin was away with Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail, he found even more creative ways of redefining sleaze for a new generation. In fact, it was a member of that generation–a 15 year old girl, no less–who became the object of his sexting fixation, which in turn made him the object of an FBI investigation. The very investigation that caused James Comey to re-open the inquiry into Hillary’s emails less than two weeks before the election.
Knock, knock. Could that finally be you, rock bottom?
Well, considering that Hillary lost, Huma filed for divorce, and Weiner is probably headed for prison, he might have actually arrived. And while you might think with all that piled against him, Weiner would feel like he didn’t have a friend in the world, you’d be wrong.
Here comes The Hill to the rescue:
The teenage girl who had exchanged sexually explicit text messages with former Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) lied about her age and political motivations to harm Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton, according to a report by the investigative news site WhoWhatWhy.
In a report published Monday, the website said the girl who exchanged the messages with Weiner was closer to 17 and not 15, as initial reports said. That also puts her above the age of consent in North Carolina, which is 16.
Well that’s a relief. Big Weiner wasn’t sexting Little Weiner to a 15-year old girl. She was a whole year north of that. Almost 17, as a matter of fact. Rogers & Hammerstein even wrote a song about that, didn’t they?
I am fifty, a dirty old dandy
With Jockey shorts so blue
You are sixteen going on seventeen
I’ll text my junk to you
Yup, sounds like just the kind of guy you’d want to chaperone your daughter’s prom.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but why why would a publication like The Hill publish an article that helps out someone so skeevy that he would give even the likes of Bill Clinton the creeps? Oh, that’s right–we gotta feed the narrative:
The website suggests this could mean that Weiner was the target of a politically motivated plot.
“Seeing that Weiner is both a repeat offender — his sexting addiction cost him his job in Congress as well as a shot at becoming mayor of New York — and associated with one of the most important people in Clinton’s inner circle, it is conceivable that this was a set-up from the beginning, with the objective of embarrassing the Clinton campaign,” the WhoWhatWhy report reads.
Ah, so in addition to the Russians hacking the election, we have another conspiracy–only this time, instead of hookers giving Barack Obama’s mattress a golden shower treatment, the whole nefarious plot revolves around Anthony Weiner’s. . .er, weiner. See if you can follow.
According to the story, this girl who said she was 15 year old jailbait but was really 16 and totes over the age of consent catfished Tony the Weiner in a deliberate attempt to sabotage Clinton campiagn. And man, did it work beyond anybody’s wildest dreams. Of course, to buy into this theory, you’d have to assume that the girl (or the shadowy cabal that was running her) knew from the outset that:
- Huma had been sending classified emails to her home computer to print out for Hillary.
- The FBI would launch an investigation of Weiner and then seize the computer as it searched for evidence that Weiner had illicit communications with a minor over the internet.
- The Feds would then find the classified emails, which would force them to reopen the investigation into Hillary’s emails.
- James Comey would announce that the investigation had been reopened to the public, and would do so at a time when it could affect the outcome of the election.
Am I missing anything here?
Of course, I wouldn’t expect anything less from the source of the story, which The Hill describes thusly:
WhoWhatWhy is a nonprofit investigative reporting site that describes itself as “forensic journalism” that looks to “unearth the facts interested parties want hidden.” Its editor-in-chief and CEO is Russ Baker, who has written for The New York Times, The New Yorker and The Washington Post. Baker is also the author of a book called The Family of Secrets, which alleges connections between the Bush family and historic events like Watergate during former President Richard Nixon’s presidency.
Sounds like a pretty good journalistic pedigree, right? What The Hill leaves out, though, is that WhoWhatWhy is also a notorious 9/11 Truther website. As for Russ Baker, his book The Family of Secrets alleges, among other things, that George H.W. Bush was once a teenage spy, and that his father Prescott Bush was intimately involved with the Kennedy assassination.
So, as conspiracy theories go, catfishing Tony the Weiner isn’t the most outlandish thing Baker has promulgated. The Hill, however, has a reputation to protect–so if they’d rather not be associated with people in the same orbit as Alex Jones and InfoWars, I’d advise them to vet their sounces more carefully.